dead yet alive

im so sleepy but i cant sleep. i have a headache but i cant stop thinking. im in pain, i just gotta stop feeling. time moves slow as it is, might as well stop. give me some time to think. the cursor has blinked 134 times and all i could think about all the times i did wrong. i stand at a fork in my life. tried to take a detour but i end up at the same fork. try taking a different way, each time finding myself lost wandering around in circles..and still end up at the fork. leave notes so i wouldnt take that road again. sometimes i do, hoping for a different outcome, no matter what i do, i arrive at that stupid fork. i wish i could fly and see what lies at the end of the road, but only time can tell. the path i take is obvious, so i take it. but later down the line...its a similar fork. just keep trying. patience is a virtue.


the sky at this time is beautiful just like someone i know. stars are wonders. i wish time could stop so that i can count the stars in the sky. the sky is a great mystery, i just need time to enjoy it. even tho its bitter cold, deep down i love it. Good night and sweetest dreams

:) Hehe. Jessica was here and I love Terry most and if he changes this I'm going to... bite him. Yeah...

loves and misses

The people whom ive grown to love. without them i wouldve never grown at all cause they taught me how to love<3

.....[if that makes sense] :x

graduated

honestly im not ready to leave james logan. everything was much simpler when we were underclassmen. haha one speech got my eyes all watery. sometimes do you ever think that your emotions affect the weather? well graduation day was kinda sprinkling as if it were tears cause we're gonna part off in about 2 months. 2 short months to do everything, create memories that last a life time cause thats the magnet that pulls us together. memories and love for eachother. anywas back to the weather... wth im talking about the weather -.- er uhmm yeah as the day went on it became sunnier cause i know somewhere we'll find eacother again. maybe im too optimistic. iono why i typed that whole paragraph when i coulda said "ima miss everyone "

waiting... is pretty much what ima be doin in college -->
just get back up when love knocks you down... -->

memories that wont die...

why is it that the bad memories stay in play longer than the good ones? lies, pain, loss, etc. over something like our first hug, kiss, month. everytime i try to get back up it knocks me down...heh. is that why that song is addicting to me recently? maybe iono tryin to get back up and work for your love. but everytime i get knocked down by something small, something that shouldnt even be worried about. every small thing i used to do for her i do for you now. i dont give her the same things i give you. maybe you dont notice but youre the one i stress over not her cause im always careful of what yorue feeling. but in the end i somehow fuck up. never knew i would end up being this kind of person. i want to see you, not her. honesty is key right? so how come when i tell you things i still end up being bitten in the butt? iono college is such an ass. well i guess im being the punching bag. hrmm... i should keep my daily quota if i want to finish on time for your 8 months x.x i miss you iono if youre in the mood to actually care. :/ this is just another down. past few days graduating meant leaving you for college. and yeah we'll be a bridge away but i still wanna see you every weekend and make our time together last. its weird how it was just one mistake can ruin a day or two now but later along the road itll keep coming up and coming up. as if i were blackmailed... sure shes gonna be there but like really? i want to avoid her. iono if you'll believe me but i hope that you will cause yeah... ive lied before but that was to protect you from the pain...but yeah like ive said before even telling you the truth hurts... so when these lies or "truths" die down and buried in a box, it somehow ends up in your lap waiting for the perfect time to be used. how do i turn a pessimistic person into an optimistic person who can carry on your everday life without me having to worry. cause i believe you are a strong and capable person. of couse ill think about you but i dont want to constantly worry about you like 25/8.
i love how i only blog about the bad memoires....im not helping myself...