memories that wont die...

why is it that the bad memories stay in play longer than the good ones? lies, pain, loss, etc. over something like our first hug, kiss, month. everytime i try to get back up it knocks me down...heh. is that why that song is addicting to me recently? maybe iono tryin to get back up and work for your love. but everytime i get knocked down by something small, something that shouldnt even be worried about. every small thing i used to do for her i do for you now. i dont give her the same things i give you. maybe you dont notice but youre the one i stress over not her cause im always careful of what yorue feeling. but in the end i somehow fuck up. never knew i would end up being this kind of person. i want to see you, not her. honesty is key right? so how come when i tell you things i still end up being bitten in the butt? iono college is such an ass. well i guess im being the punching bag. hrmm... i should keep my daily quota if i want to finish on time for your 8 months x.x i miss you iono if youre in the mood to actually care. :/ this is just another down. past few days graduating meant leaving you for college. and yeah we'll be a bridge away but i still wanna see you every weekend and make our time together last. its weird how it was just one mistake can ruin a day or two now but later along the road itll keep coming up and coming up. as if i were blackmailed... sure shes gonna be there but like really? i want to avoid her. iono if you'll believe me but i hope that you will cause yeah... ive lied before but that was to protect you from the pain...but yeah like ive said before even telling you the truth hurts... so when these lies or "truths" die down and buried in a box, it somehow ends up in your lap waiting for the perfect time to be used. how do i turn a pessimistic person into an optimistic person who can carry on your everday life without me having to worry. cause i believe you are a strong and capable person. of couse ill think about you but i dont want to constantly worry about you like 25/8.
i love how i only blog about the bad memoires....im not helping myself...